You've seen it before, the sign in every gourmet or "authentic" hotdog stand that swears they won't serve you if you request a line of red on your dog. It's "not a real hot dog," they argue, "ketchup is for little kids." I've got two words for these wiener snobs: bite me.
Number one, don't tell me what a real hot dog is or is not. If it's a questionable tube-shaped processed meat product served on a bun, it's a hot dog. At the last Philadelphia Dog Days of Summer Hot Dog Toppings Contest, people served their wieners with bacon, lentils, and red cabbage, and yet the dish's title remained unchanged, so don't tell me that a little bit of tomato sauce suddenly turns a hot dog into an entirely new meal. That's just stupid.
Number two, get over the whole ketchup is for kids thing. What, you think that my taste buds aren't refined enough if I happen to enjoy a condiment made of tomatoes, vinegar and sugar? Look at that combination- it's clearly delicious. And you know what? A few people are behind me on this one. Heinz ketchup made over 451 billion dollars in sales last year, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't just little kids dumping the red stuff all over their fries.
Full grown individuals love ketchup. There are songs honoring the condiment, it's a potato chip flavor, a giant ketchup bottle remains a popular roadside attraction in Collinsville, IL. Basically, nobody is listening to your mustard-loving anti-ketchup BS. Even if it is a little childish to pour it over everything, so what? Maybe being in touch with your inner child is a good thing. Maybe it prevents you from becoming the kind of stuck-up individuals that sit around making rules about picnic food.
Finally, why not? Seriously, who died and made you God on this issue? White bread, salty meat and sweet ketchup taste awesome together. Awesome in a way that tangy yellow mustard just doesn't. Don't agree with me? Fine! But why not let me have my dog the way I like it, with lots and lots of ketchup.
Has anyone ever denied you your favorite condiment? Tell us about it!
Although my favorite condiment isn't ketchup I can totally feel your pain. I love honey mustard but my parents never seem to buy the right brand i like. Its like come on family i thought you knew me better than that either way good post guys!!!!
ReplyDeleteKetchup is something largely used for the dishes that do not have rich flavors originally. I feel good food does not need ketchup:)-Wendy
ReplyDeleteYes, ketchup is indeed the best condiment ever. "nobody is listening to your mustard-loving anti-ketchup BS" I UNDERSTAND YOU. I don't understand how people refuse to eat anything with ketchup on it.
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